We Did Everything to Impress Each Other During the Dating Phase...
Our initial chemistry was red hot! My eyes and ego were drawn to the things that typically entices a man. But it was much more than physical attraction that hooked me.
She possessed a maturity that I’d never witnessed before. Dull moments didn’t exist when we were together. Our dating phase was filled with adventure, mental stimulation, and emotional connectedness.
Things got serious fast. We started spending every free moment together. It was an intense high that neither of us wanted to end. Our relationship was still new when things came to a screeching halt.
An Unplanned Pregnancy
I was deeply infatuated with Zonnette, but Marriage really wasn’t on my radar. Heck, I was still a young bachelor discovering life, but an unplanned pregnancy took our relationship to the next level.
I was unsure of my next move. I certainly didn’t have the structure and plan that I now utilize and teach, but there was one thing I knew without a shadow of a doubt. Supporting that beautiful woman and our child was my responsibility.
The House of Cards Came Tumbling Down
Everything changed after saying, “I do.” Our marriage wasn’t the “happily ever after” either of us envisioned. Communication was off, cultural clashes occurred, and unspoken expectations weren’t being met.
Most of her time and attention went to mommy duty, and I spent my days working to provide a decent home for my family. But home life was far from perfect.
Kids acting out at school
Increasing miscommunication
Lack of intimacy
We disagreed about almost everything. I needed more respect and physical intimacy; she needed affection and quality time. I wanted our home hot; she preferred it cold.
We muddled through marital instability for the first few years. Moments of deep pleasure occurred here and there, but they were overshadowed by periods of severe disconnect. Over time, the bad seemed to outweigh the good.
Crazy thoughts ran through my mind:
Maybe I married the wrong person.
What if I’m not the man she desires?
Perhaps my true soulmate is out there somewhere.
Why am I remaining in this marriage?
I concluded it was time to pull the plug, but it wasn’t just about the two of us. We also had two innocent boys to consider. Suddenly, tearing up our home seemed inconceivable. The thought of becoming a divorce statistic made me cringe. Being a part-time father wasn’t an option. Functioning as a blended family in the future wouldn’t work.
It was time to reexamine… That’s when I took a step back.
True Forgiveness was the Answer
There was a lot of hurt between the two of us. Some wounds were unbearable to touch, but in order to move forward, we had to be willing and ready to talk about the past, leave it behind, and allow the healing process to begin.
The modern-day version of forgiveness teaches us to forgive but never forget. That’s the exact opposite of God’s response. God’s mercy is infinite.
That’s when it hit me. True forgiveness is treating the person as if they never did it, and we learned to master that concept. We genuinely started treating each other as if our wrongs never happened. We learned what was necessary from them, but stopped holding them against one another as leverage or trying to make one another pay. It was only at that time that we were prepared to move forward with a clean slate, open heart, and new mindset.
Developing a Marriage Strategy Changed Everything
I’m a man driven by structure and strategy. My biblical and military background is largely responsible for such design, so that got me to thinking… Success in war, finance, and sports isn’t random. Great leaders don’t send a prayer up to the sky, cross their fingers, and hope for the best outcome.
Success in all those cases point back to one thing: IRON-CLAD STRATEGY.
Why on earth was I leaving the second most important relationship in my life up to chance?
My mindset started to shift. I got intentional about my relationship. Consistently watering my marriage garden became a conscious decision. For the first time, I really started listening to what my wife was saying, like I was:
Working too much
Never truly present with her and the kids
Expecting her to perform in the bedroom without maintaining emotional connectedness throughout the day
Asking her to be someone she wasn’t
These were the ugly facts I had to face. I was contributing to the dysfunction of our union. Holding myself accountable was the first step.
Adopting a You Before Me Mindset was Born
After God, nothing came before my wife. Not work, friends, not even the kids… I began putting her first without expecting anything in return. There weren’t any childish games like, “I’m not doing this because you didn’t do that” or “I’ll do for you if you do for me.”
Filling up her love bank became my sole mission:
Greeting her with gentle touches
Attentively listening to her vent about her hard day
Surprising her with that necklace she mentioned five months ago
Leaving little love notes on her pillow
Drawing her a nice warm bath
Cooking dinner from time-to-time
Taking her out for an evening of dancing
Watching my wife’s reaction to this sudden change was the best part. The transformation in her behavior was epic. She greeted me differently. Her attitude was warm and loving. She yearned to please me in and out of the bedroom. That only fueled me to pour into her more.
Over time, it became this natural progression of giving and receiving. We were ultimately empowered to:
Effectively communicate
Regain trust and security
Let down our guard
Reconnect emotionally
Enjoy deep intimacy
Preventing Other Couples from Becoming a Divorce Statistic
We’re dedicated to helping other couples avoid some of the heartache we’ve encountered.
I can recall speaking to five couples within three days who were ready to pull the plug on their marriage. Nothing earth-shattering had occurred. They had simply grown disinterested in their spouse. And since society teaches us to trade in something we don’t like, they were ready to trade their spouse in for a newer and shinier model.
Boy, did that hit home…
Then it dawned on me. You Before Me was more than just a strategic concept that worked within our marriage. You Before Me was a provocative philosophy that had the power to revolutionize marriages everywhere leading to healthy families and communities.
Our Marriage Strategies can Benefit any Couple
“A marriage built on conditions is not conditioned to last. ”
You Before Me was created to support couples throughout each stage of their marriage journey. We wanted to develop the type of support system we desired when we were struggling in our marriage. We didn’t want to:
Encounter judgment
Waste money on hour-long sessions that didn’t move us forward with intention
Only focus on the negative
That’s why we decided to create an exclusive network for couples. Consider us your all-inclusive marriage center. We’re here to help you work through your marital problems, celebrate successes, and enjoy the beauty that a lifetime commitment can offer.
Some of Our Offerings Include:
Strategic Coaching - Our marriage coaching is here to provide you with guidance, support, and actionable steps.
The You Before Me Blog - Consume thought-provoking content that will challenge you to approach your relationship with an open heart and new mindset.
Resources - From candles and massages to books and programs, we have a great list of resources that’ll help you keep the fire burning 365.
You Before Me Events - Our upcoming date night experience, marriage retreats, workshops, and other events will be here to help you heal, reconnect, and remember the beauty of your marriage.
Let’s Get Started Today!
Imagine how it would feel to reclaim the relationship you once knew. What would you give to prevent division and strife in your home?
Our eleven years of experience, affinity for teaching, and proven marriage strategies have equipped us to serve you. We don’t deliver watered-down advice. Our unapologetic coaching style digs deep to uncover the real problem(s).
We’ll work with you to:
Expose the real problem
Discuss your issues
Learn how to communicate
Save your marriage from divorce
Move forward with clarity and intention
Schedule a Free Session with Us to Get Started
We look forward to helping you strategize your way to a satisfying marriage.