Four Keys to Navigating An Emotional Conversation With Your Woman
What Should I Say. What Should I Do?
You’ve heard it time and time again... “communication is vital to a marriage.” But I’ll go even further to say more specifically, that communication is the heartbeat of your “marriage connection”. And connecting mentally, emotionally, and physically is the glue that holds the two of you together. Healthy communication is a necessity in a marriage just like the bow is necessary in order to get a pure, sweet, penetrating sound out of a violin. Without the bow, the violin will not function properly and you will not enjoy the beautiful, unique and distinct music that only a violin can produce. The same is true for your marriage. Without effective, healthy communication, you will not enjoy the fruits of a beautiful, thriving marriage.
Men, let’s talk for a little. If you haven’t seen the “Its not about the nail video“ we recently shared, check it out and come right back. "It's Not About The Nail!"
So here’s the deal. When a woman sits down to talk to her man, though you may wear many hats guys, she doesn’t always need you to wear the one that says, “the fixer”. Now my husband has told me that most men see in black & white, and think things are usually cut and dry. You hear a problem, and you immediately want to provide a solution. But have you really understood the problem? I mean the issue behind what she is feeling? NEWS FLASH MEN! Most of the time, a solution is not what your wife needs from you when she is pouring her heart out.
Four Key to Navigating an Emotional Conversation With Your Woman
1. Listen
And I mean just that. Listen with your ears, heart, and mind. Let here get it all out. Let her vent. She might sound irrational, emotional and even a little crazy, but getting it out is one of the ways we process things as a woman. In allowing us doing so, we might solve our own problems in the process of getting it out. Now men, this is a time to give her your undivided attention. Show her that what she is saying matters to you. Her feelings and what is troubling her needs to be articulated for HER own sanity. Don’t rush her, allow her to be heard. Charles and I suggest using attentive listening and demonstrating techniques. Occasionally, repeat back to her what she just said. This demonstrates careful and alert listening on your part. Look for opportunities to validate her feelings so she feels normal and not like a “crazy person” who is a “hot mess!”
2. Empathize
Letting your wife know you care about how she feels and you understand what she is going through is a very big deal to her. You might not be able to totally relate to all the dynamics of her feelings and experiences surrounding the situation, but empathy is a skill you must master. It’s the ability to share in someone else’s feelings. It’s opening your heart to HEAR her heart, and gain understanding as to why she may feel the way she does. Furthermore, a part of becoming “one flesh” presupposes that when she hurts, you hurt. Be her shoulder to cry on ,and stand in her corner by being supportive. This will make her feel safe and secure, bonding you two together and establish a deeper connection. It will be such an intimate and special moment for her. She’ll probably melt inside and in your arms. Eye contact, occasional nodding, stroking her back or holding her hand, and saying the words “I understand”, will go a long way . Say things like, “baby, it’s going to be ok. We can figure this out together.” Trust me guys, if you listen well and show empathy as a husband consistently, you undoubtedly will create high levels of trust, safety and security in your marriage, and your wife will cherish that.
3. Pray
While she is speaking, pray for God to soften your heart and grant you the wisdom to know how to respond. Also, in that moment, partner with the Holy Spirt and ask for him to touch her heart and reveal the truth behind or root of her feelings and emotions. Often times, there is more to the frustrations they are having than they even understand themselves. There are usually internal conflicts , but they are only seeing the symptoms.
4. Advise
Wise counsel, problem-solving skills, and the ability to swoop in like a knight all have there place. There are times you get to use your “fixer” skills, but wait for her to invite you in to go there. Listen for her to shift from sharing and speaking in past tense, to asking questions like “what would you have done” or “how would you have responded to what was said if you were me?” Or she may flat out say “I guess I’m asking for your advise.” Ding, ding, ding! The moment you have been waiting for, a clear sign she wants you to let her know what she should do. Go ahead, rescue your women and lift her burdens. Because you have already prayed and invited the Holy Spirit to guide you, you are ready to give good practical guidance and a spirit lead solution. More and more she will want to confide in you, because you have proven to be great at listening, understanding, and advising. Husbands are to be the Priest of their homes. I truly find great pleasure in seeking Charles out for wisdom and counsel when ever I am plagued by pain, confusion, or “crazy emotions.” So next time your wife is speaking, try and put these tools into practice.
Blessings,
Zonnette Jackson
Helping you Strategize You Way To A Healthy & Thriving Marriage,