10 Reasons Why Porn Will Kill Your Marriage
10 Reasons Why Porn Will Kill Your Marriage
Show me yours, and I’ll show you mine.
Too explicit?
Sorry, but that’s the new language of the land.
Sex is everywhere these days. You can’t turn on the television or walk down the grocery aisle without seeing a half-naked man or woman plastered on billboards and magazines.
And a trip to the mall? Well, half-dressed women and lustful men have turned that into the new strip club.
Such psychological pollution plays tricks on the mind. Imagery of super-sized breasts and Brazilian shaped butts may look alluring. But is any of it real? More importantly, is it worth losing your marriage over?
Pornography is accepted and often glorified within society. False promises of arousal, stimulation, and pleasure for couples have been promoted.
But is it really a healthy way to spice up your marriage?
Contrary to media’s propaganda, pornography is one of the most dangerous addictions you can introduce into your relationship. Today I’m going to share some eye-opening data with you based on God’s plan, research, and human nature.
So, grab your spouse, take notes, and share this important post with every couple you know.
#1 Ignorance is the gateway to Deceit and Betrayal
According to research conducted by, Joshua McDowell, 76% of Christian men between the age of 18 to 42 actively seek out pornography.
Pornography is rarely talked about in the church. This moves Christian men to take social queues from society. The church’s silence surrounding this “taboo” issue is contributing to the destruction of marriages. And if you’re not a Christian, you might be surprised to learn that the toxicity of pornography is a universal problem that transcends race, religion, and gender.
But to understand the effects of porn, you have to first identify what makes it dangerous. Watching intimate acts between other individuals awakens lustful and beastly desires inside. Once that switch is activated, it’s hard to shut it off. Your mind starts wandering…
- Should my spouse and I try that sexual position?
- Why doesn’t my partner’s body look like that?
- It would be nice to experience someone who looks like that.
- Our current sex life is too boring
- I need more sexual adventure
Soon, you’re going down the rabbit hole. Erotic fantasies about someone other than your spouse clouds your judgement. Before you know it, your desire has shifted.
#2 Opens the Pandora’s Box to An Unhealthy Sexual Appetite
Give into your desires. Feel free to have as much sex whenever, wherever, and however you want…
At least that’s what porn suggests…
Hanging from chandeliers isn’t normal sexual practice. But watching porn may make you believe otherwise. Before we discuss why this is a problem, let’s address the biological connection between your brain, body, and porn.
Dopamine’s Role in Porn
Research has clearly outlined the relationship between dopamine and the brain. Dopamine is a neuron transmitter that releases a chemical signaling your pleasure levers. Whenever you introduce a new and exciting experience, your brain stores that behavior and notes it as a pathway to pleasure.
Think back to the first time you were intimate with your spouse. I’m sure your lover’s skin, touch, taste, fragrance, even the warmth of their breath, probably aroused you. This natural stimulant sent signals to your pleasure levers. It labeled the encounter as an exciting and satisfying experience that you longed to revisit again and again.
SPOILER ALERT!
Watching porn releases even heavier doses of dopamine. This creates a severe disconnect between the flesh-to-flesh experience you share with your partner. Before you know it, your desire shifts. Gentle caresses, passionate kisses, and affectionate love making may no longer satisfy you.
Over time, you’ll start asking your spouse to perform sexual acts that are uncomfortable and unnatural. If your partner resists, you may consider seeking fulfillment elsewhere. In the end, your brain ignores logic and remains fixated on feeding the urge at all costs.
#3 Sex Becomes Selfish
An insatiable appetite yearns to be met at all times. The more you feed it, the more it craves.
Perhaps you think this is a good thing. Engaging in excessive amounts of sex with your spouse will lead to mutual excitement and satisfaction.
WRONG!
Quality over quantity is real. A deep emotional connection ignites physical intimacy. Let’s look at what happens when emotional connectedness is eliminated.
Picture your spouse coming home from work with nothing but sex on his mind. The evening draws to a close. And he’s ready for you to please him in the bedroom. But you’re not in the mood.
Maybe you had a long day with the kids. Perhaps work left you feeling exhausted. But your husband’s selfish desires won’t allow him to take your feelings into consideration.
A selfish sexual appetite says:
- Me before you
- I don’t care about your emotional needs
- It doesn’t matter if you’re tired
- Please me or else…
Resentment starts to build. Soon, sex is no longer enjoyable for either of you. Suddenly, selfish desires are coming between the true bond, intimacy, and sexual fulfillment marriage is designed to bring.
#4 Attraction for Your Spouse Starts to Fade
The comparison trap is lethal. Think about what happens whenever you compare something of your own to someone or something else that you perceive as bigger and better. Instantly, your possession, position, or circumstance doesn’t look as attractive. The same concept applies to your spouse’s appearance.
Ouch!
Large breasts and buff chests are enticing. Hair texture, skin color, and shape are all attributes that tend to stimulate our thoughts and desires.
The problem?
Human nature will cause you to compare porn actors to your spouse. You’ll start yearning for an illusion behind a computer screen. It sounds silly. But you may begin craving a plastic surgeon’s masterpiece. Then where does that leave your connection with your partner? Your spouse is a real, live, breathing vessel for you to enjoy and please. But watching porn will rob you of the opportunity to appreciate your partner’s natural beauty.
#5 Start Objectifying Women
Guys, I want to talk to you for a moment. How would you feel if thousands of men were watching your daughter, wife, or mom take their clothes off in front of a camera? Picture strange men finding sexual pleasure in staring at every intimate part of your loved-ones precious body. I’m thinking porn doesn’t seem so casual and harmless anymore.
Men are extremely visual. We’re attracted to appealing images. That’s why looking at a beautiful naked woman arouses us. But those women that are selling their bodies is someone’s mother, someone’s daughter, someone’s wife. Society has no problem with objectifying women. But why be a part of the problem when you can be a part of the solution?
Real men:
- Fight for justice
- Protect women, children, and the vulnerable
- Show self-control
- Give respect
- Protect the sanctity of marriage
- Cling to integrity
- Preserve the purity of a woman’s body, beauty, and brain
If any of those qualities are important to you, watching porn isn’t an option.
#6 Intimate Betrayal Becomes Acceptable
Lusting after a body that doesn’t belong to you lights the match. Subconsciously this behavior permits infidelity and sexual impurity.
It’s natural to want what you see. If you’re staring at virtual images of someone other than your spouse, you’re going to seek someone that resembles the image you desire. The shift is subtle. Seeing leads to wandering thoughts, wandering thoughts lead to desire, desire leads to experience. Yes, you’ll want to experience this illusion. Your spirit won’t rest until you touch a similar body, engage in an intimate act. Finally, you’ll cross the line. Physical cheating takes place. And your marriage is severely damaged.
I’m speaking from experience on this one. Pornography almost destroyed our marriage. Watching such acts lead to:
- Unrealistic sexual expectations
- Dissatisfaction
- Cheating
#7 Couples Start Viewing Marriage as a Sexual Experiment
You may have noticed a difference in many modern-day marriages. Traditionally, when a man and woman wedded, no one else was allowed in the midst of their covenant. Love, intimacy, and sexual pleasure was only shared between the two of them.
Fast forward to 2017. Pornography has poisoned the way couples view sex. Since porn is promoted as a sexual stimulant for couples, many are watching these raw acts together. This ultimately leads to:
- Experimenting with hardcore sexual acts that are painful and degrading
- Fantasizing about strangers
- Introducing threesomes into the bedroom
- Considering an open marriage for more sexual fulfillment
The casual, modern-day couple may wonder what’s the problem with the list above. After all, isn’t marriage all about your spouse serving you? Shouldn’t they want you to be fulfilled in every way possible?
Letting go of that mindset is the first step.
You can explore the lasting benefits of adopting a you before me mindset in our other post.
HOW ADOPTING A YOU BEFORE ME MINDSET HELPS TO BUILD A LASTING LOVE
But I want to take a minute to address sexual impurity inside of marriage. Sexual experimentation, threesomes, and an open marriage may seem fun and satisfying. You’ll have an opportunity to try, taste, and take whatever you sexually desire. Then what?
Sex alone is simply an act. You receive a few minutes of pleasure. Then it’s all over.
“Engaging in meaningless sex will never bring you satisfaction. It’ll only leave you looking for the next partner, searching for a more intense act, and struggling with emotional turmoil.”
A deep intimate connection with your spouse can remove those barriers.
When you’re aligned:
- Mentally
- Spiritually
- Emotionally
- Physically
Sex becomes a pleasurable experience that fills your tank in every way.
#8 Embrace Your Membership to Pornography Anonymous
According to Merriam Webster.com, an addiction is defined as a compulsive need for and use of habit-forming substance such as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol characterized by tolerance.
One guess where else you can see these patterns. In Simple terms.........
Addictions start out as something you engage in for occasional enjoyment. But it ends up taking control of your life. Suddenly you can’t say, “No” to this habit.
This goes back to the biological and psychological conversation taking place in your brain. Researchers have sited dopamine as the potent chemical linked to addiction. When you engage in a pleasurable experience, you want to consume more. So, if pornography is stimulating you, you’ll begin to crave it. Impulse overtakes you. All you care about is…
When can I get my next fix?
Before long, porn has you:
- Anxious to watch the next flick
- Looking over your shoulder for fear of being caught
- Lying to your spouse
- Giving into lustful desires
- Intimately connecting with someone other than your partner
Woe!
Imagine feeling the urge to indulge in porn while you’re at work. Perhaps you rather participate in this form of entertainment over being intimate with your spouse. The embarrassment and shame is crippling. One day you’ll look up and realize that this so-called “casual stimulant” has morphed into a full-blown addiction consuming every aspect of your life. Watching porn is a tough habit to break. But remaining committed to porn says a few things.
I desire intimacy with a stranger over my spouse
- Momentary satisfaction is worth more than a life-long commitment to my partner
- I prefer to look over my shoulder, lie, and cheat
- My spouse’s body is no longer enough for me
- My marriage isn’t worth much
- I don’t care about honoring my marriage vows
If you’re afraid the above statements are your reality, it’s time to get help. Check out one of our recommended resources that can give you the support and accountability you need.
Click
#9 Pornography Can Lead to Erectile Dysfunction
Sexual performance is an extremely sensitive topic for most men. Pleasing our partner every single time is our desire. Strip us of that, and we have nothing.
If you think I’m being dramatic, you’re either not a guy or you don’t know men as well as you think. Most guys tend to believe sexual performance and technique are directly tied to their manhood. But, fellas, how would you feel if porn destroyed your ability to perform in the bedroom?
FACT-Doctors are seeing a new epidemic among young men. Watching pornography is ruining their ability to get aroused by a live sexual partner.
FACT-An erection relies on the release of dopamine
FACT-Dopamine activates your brain’s pleasure levers
FACT-Porn confuses your pleasure pathways.
Look at it this way. Normal amounts of dopamine are released during live sexual experiences. Your brain sends a signal to neuron transmitters saying, “This feels good. Give me more.” In return, touching, kissing, and friction becomes the stimulant that initiates arousal and ultimately and erection. But introducing a new stimulant into the matrix throws those transmitters off track. Watching porn intuitively awakens a sense of arousal and excitement. This releases dopamine in your brain which activates the pleasure levers. Add masturbation to the equation, and you’re hooked.
Now your brain says,
“Watching porn feels good. Give me more.”
So, you start digging deeper into the cookie jar. You scour the internet, television, and videos for more images and acts. Now that your brain’s signals are locked into porn as the pleasure/reward system, a live body can’t please you.
Translation: You no longer get an erection from a physical sexual partner. Your body and brain struggles to keep up with the only thing that arouses you…
PORN
Soon, you search for more hardcore videos to give you the initial sensation you felt when first watching porn. Before you know it, your only chance of engaging in a sexual experience is dependent on virtual actors.
#10 Destroy the Beauty and Sanctity of Sex
Intimacy is required for a loving and thriving marriage. Please note that I said, “Intimacy” not “sex”.
As you’ve seen, porn can help introduce several versions of sex into your life. But that doesn’t mean it’s healthy for you and your spouse. A healthy sex life stems from the intimate connection you create with your spouse. This doesn’t begin with connecting in the bedroom. It starts with connecting in other ways first.
How To Keep The Deadly Dangers Of Porn Out Of Your Marriage
As you can see, porn is far from the casual, harmless stimulant society promotes it to be. It has the power to consume your every waking second, ruin your integrity, and destroy your marriage.
If you long to experience the ultimate sexual pleasure, cling to your spouse. Establish emotional, mental, and physical intimacy. Take time to learn each other inside and out. Put your spouse first, and watch the passion grow.
Click below to share